Man, I could watch 339/1 beat on that dragon all day. Donkey had a whuppin’ penciled in, but I couldn’t find where my Youngest son put that figure. Still, I wasn’t thrilled with this strip, so I was going to set it aside and come back to it; and instead just plumb forgot.

On a brighter note, 339/1 has been a joy to work with, a charmer and consummate professional…

Hmm. Let me get back to you on that one.

The Bastards hit the road to Eternos, to stop the Golden Pharaoh from selling 339/1’s gem. You might ask, why do we sometimes have two pages, and sometimes five? Um…don’t really have a good answer for that one, honestly.

I also have no particular idea who the Golden Pharaoh’s men are either, even though I know I’m the one who bought them for my Oldest son, the wrestling fan. One’s the Great Khali, if I’m not mistaken. The Mattel wrestling figures aren’t bad, although it kills me that they’re cheaper and more available than Masters of the Universe Classics and DCUC. There’s something wrong with that, tell you what…

In other news, I did order a Vikor! Actually, the order process was painless the second time around. He’ll end up here at some point, but I need to go through my year-end totals, since I think he’s the most expensive single figure I’ve purchased in some years. (Counting postage, I suppose.) Next week, the conclusion of 339/1’s first strip!

The Bastards set out to Eternos City…or at least the road outside the city, to get the Gem of 187 from the Golden Pharaoh. I of course had to look up the geography of Eternia, but I just assume the countryside is littered with monsters, and the corpses of monsters that crossed paths with He-Man or somebody.

In other news, it looks like Vikor won’t be visiting the Bastards in the near future…hell. There is another character, one that you may remember from the eighties, that I’m looking forward to showing up here when he’s done; but more on that later!

I needed to print a map of Eternia for this one, and the first good one I found? Here, of course! I thought Eternia was way bigger than the map made it seem, though. I suppose the Eternia in my head, the home of the Bastards, is bigger and includes Crystalium, Third Earth, the Savage Land, the Barren Earth, Skartaris, Barsoom…a hodgepodge of semi-medieval whatnot and monsters, then.

I don’t suppose anyone has any idea what, if anything, the Chamblerlain is from. Found him at a yard sale, and for no apparent reason, I hear him as Dr. Gonzo from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, chock full of dubious advice and not-so-thinly veiled threats.

Last time, the Bastards met 339/1, royalty of…whatever the hell he is. Battlecat wanted the guys to help him out, and predictably, they aren’t really having it; since in large portions of Eternia there are more kings than subjects. Why is that? I guess because, ‘King of the Bee People’ or whatever looks better on a package than ‘Noble Drone!’ or ‘Mighty Serf!’ Although, I guess I don’t know every Masters of the Universe bio, so if there’s one for Eternia’s Toughest Peasant or something, please tell me.

Valkyrie is the first new Marvel Legends I’ve bought in years; somewhat ironically since she was originally intended for the 2008 Hulk/Fin Fang Foom wave. She’s not perfect–the leg articulation may be a little outdated–but she’s not bad at all.

I worked in a mall for a bunch of years, and was exposed to just inhumane amounts of Christmas music and holiday ‘cheer.’ Luckily, my Christmas spirit eventually recovered. A little anyway. Seriously, I’m both holly and jolly now compared to how I was then.

How many of you have actually watched the Masters of the Universe Christmas Special? Personally, it’s one of those things, not unlike the Star Wars Christmas Special, that I know it’s a thing that exists, and am completely willing to leave it at that. (Although, over the years, I’ve read so much about them and seen enough clips, that I’ve probably seen both of them; and have just blacked out the worst parts.)

Ah, I promised a guest-star this week, and then decided to do a holiday strip real quick instead. Next time!

Anyway, a merry happy whatever to you all; and may you get all the figures you need!

Extra length episode! …for no damn good reason.

I have nothing against Sam Worthington, but man, I don’t need to see him be a scowling buzzcut grumpy badass again anytime soon. And I hate that shield; the old Perseus may have dressed like he was going to a frat party, but his weapons looked nice!

Next time: a special guest star! You’ll never guess, don’t even try, but you will recognize him when you see him…

The old Mike Grell Warlord comics were great, even the issues after he left, and even though the Remco figures were straight-up Masters of the Universe rip-offs. But the revival series, that the DC Direct figure is based on, is just awful. Yet, that figure’s pretty sharp. Weird how that happens, sometimes.

Grell would come back to Warlord for a brief sixteen issue run, and did art for some of it. It was a vast improvement over the previous series, and a return to the original version and storylines; but didn’t catch on, sadly. Still, every so often, a movie version is rumored, so maybe someday Travis Morgan will return. I wouldn’t hold my breath or anything, but maybe…

Thrilled as I was to get an old Castle Greyskull as a backdrop for these; no one fits in there. No one. Still, it’s kind of fitting that it looks like a tiny, cramped castle; the Bastards wouldn’t get to live at a nice one.

The original home of the Bastards of the Universe, Articulated Discussion, is taking a break for the time being. (Come back soon, TAO!) So, I asked Poe if he would give the Bastards a home, and he charitably (or foolishly, depending on your opinion!) said yes!

A little background: since I’m old, I never had Masters of the Universe toys as a kid, or watched the original cartoon. When the 200X line came out, I was working in a mall, and picked up a few at my job. In particular, I remember getting Stratos, since I saved him from the dumpster while working a store closure.

I have no idea how you guys put up with Mattel to get Masters of the Universe Classics. To me, they seem overpriced; from the reports I read, the quality control seems dicey; and ordering seems to be designed to punish you for wanting them.

But, I remembered back when the first MOTU figures ruled the toy aisle, there were a ton of competing lines trying to help themselves to a piece of the action. Remco’s Warlord line, for one. I loved the comic book, but the figures were straight-up knockoffs: the packaging even proclaimed “Plays with Masters of the Universe.” I had a Warlord figure, and a yard-sale found Battlecat; and they were the start of the Bastards.

Conan is a pretty obvious next choice: regardless of the official story, it’s readily apparent he was a huge influence on He-Man. Toy Story 3‘s Twitch may remind some of lines like Sectaurs, but I see a direct line from Buzz-Off to him. And Beta Ray Bill, from Marvel Legends, was sculpted by the Four Horsemen, before they moved on to MOTUC. So, I had my Bastards, and they began their adventures in the Eternia in my head. (A medieval culture that has ray guns, flying things, and cable; and where it’s not uncommon for your running crew to include a robot or bug guy.)

So, to celebrate moving over to Poe’s, we’ve got a contest! I’ve told you why I picked mine, but who would your Bastards lineup include? Robots? Barbarians? Fish-guys? Pirates? To me, that’s kind of the best thing about Eternia: I appreciate that as a line, Masters of the Universe was able to include guys like Ninjor, Clamp Champ, and Rio Blast.

Leave a comment with your four picks, and if you want, a link to a picture of your Bastards, that might be used in a later strip! One will be picked at random and win a loose Marvel Legends Beta Ray Bill, a carded Toy Story 3 Twitch, a carded Conan the Adventurer, and a loose and saddleless Battlecat! (Warlord fans, sorry, but getting a 1982 Travis or a DC Direct one didn’t cost out!)

International? OK, you gotta spring for postage. Sorry.